What do I do if my boyfriend is selfish in bed?

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They will have to find their own way. Either way, it's not a great sigh. At that point, you will have a decision before you: Keep having sex with someone who isn't willing to invest effort into your pleasure, or stop having sex with that person. You presumably harbour very outdated stereotypical notions about women as housewives and men as breadwinners e.

I really have insane feelings for her but I'm slowly getting sick of always putting myself out there, surprising her a lot and not getting anything in return. The facts are clear that you are very uncomfortable with how you are being treated. I'm tired but I still love, now I've found messages in her phone where she tells a past lover that she misses him and I never get any of those type words my way.

How To Deal With Someone Who's Selfish In Bed — And What It Means For Your Relationship

People are often in unfulfilling. The dynamic of one partner always giving and the other always taking is common. When requests are made for the takers to give up some part of themselves, they usually decline or flee, at once feeling alarmed and afraid. What is the psychology that underlines this and what can you do about this. Selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate. Their feelings of inadequacy run so deep that they end up feeing very ashamed. When the taker then gives up just a little, this feels so relieving to the giver — it is like a glimpse of a sign of life. But unfortunately for the giver, this does not last too long. Selfish lovers are often hiding something they are very ashamed of as well. Giving makes them feel out of control and threatened as they worry that the reason for their shame will be revealed. With this strong feeling of having to cover up all the time, they hold onto their love very tightly because giving it up makes them feel as though they are sliding on ice. Also, for selfish lovers, love feels like a scarce resource. When selfish lovers give up a little love, they start to worry that the little that they are connected with will all be gone. This is because selfish lovers are often not self connected and even when they are deeplythe one faculty that has remained undeveloped is the faculty of being self-connected. Perhaps the greatest obstruction to the selfish lover is that he or she is afraid to learn at a later stage in life. It is like asking an adult to start to learn how to swim. It is much more difficult later on life. So, apart from avoiding the torture of a selfish lover, if you find yourself in a relationship with one, what can you do so that your entire being is not lost in trying to resuscitate his or her internal deadness. Firstly, recognize that selfish lovers are easily threatened, so complaints about them, to them, will rarely work. Talking it out in the usual way is not an option…at least, it takes a long time to draw someone out of this. The things you have to do are: 1 Find other places to invest your loving energy besides the lover; this will reduce your own torture; 2 Confront your own pain and recognize things that you that need to develop. Often, selfish lovers will respond with affection when they feel your own emptiness as they will feel less alone; 3 Differentiate between the need to resuscitate an internally dead person and actual love. Instead, recognize your own to this; 4 When you do talk to your selfish lover, focus on their strengths as they are generally insecure. Find the right balance for you; 5 Also, when you talk to them, help them find things in their lives that will help them feel more self-connected. This will pay-off in your own relationship. If all else fails, leaving is always an option, but with your addiction to selfish lovers, why is my boyfriend so selfish are likely to find another one, or turn them into one. Some soul-searching may help you make better future choices. The questions you ask yourself on this soul-searching journey How do you live outside your craving. What are you avoiding doing by being addicted to love. How can you turn your loving energy into something hat gives back to you. Ok, i have bent over backwards, given him support, hope, space and affection and neglected my own emotional needs. I have been patient in a relationship for 4 years only to see the boyfriend rejects me when he is with his former kids and ex partner. This also applies when we go out together, i am nobody until boys start talking to me. However, he likes telling everyone how much i love our relationship and uses me to make him look good. And yet my needs are rejected and neglected. Anonymous wrote: Ok, i have bent over backwards, given him support, hope, space and affection and neglected my own emotional needs. It seems you are just what this article says you are. It's a difference being there for someone and just being stupid. Stand up for yourself when he does something you don't like say something he does it again separate yourself from him for awhile and let him make the first move. Think about it is he really worth the embarrassment and shame. Pick yourself and move forward. No matter what happens you keep going. The way he treats you is a reflection of how he feels about himself. By you having knowledge of why he behaves that way, won't help you at all. This man is taking you for granted. You bend backwards just to give him what he wants, no matter how harshly he treats you. Because you aren't respecting yourself and taking care of yourself as well, he doesn't see you as someone deserving of respect, and so he ignores you when around his children and ex partner. If you really want to be with him, you have to tell him that you'll walk out if he doesn't start being fair to you the way he should be. If he shapes up, then good for you, but if not, you have to cut ties with this man as soon as possible. I suspect this means having developed the ability to accept yourself as you are. I am not perfect, but I am self connected because I have a profound sense of self and accept who I am - warts and all as the phrase goes. My experience with a selfish lover showed me she was filled with shame and disliked herself intently. This intense lack of self acceptance or being self connected meant she was unable to connect to anybody else except superficially or specifically in my case, with superficial sexualized behavior. I was dating a man who, from your description, was a selfish lover. I think he wasn't always that way though, but became so after a traumatic break-up. He seemed to be pushing me away despite liking me and wanting companionship, etc. I had been the one to tell him I wasn't happy with how things were going between us. I did a lot to demonstrate I liked him and cared about him, but started to feel like it was one-sided. When he confirmed that he was still interested in me and had been wondering why he couldn't commit the way he thought I wanted, I noted that I didn't want to end it then. He said I had still mentioned I was not content, and the he'd wonder if he was being genuine in his actions then-on. I do worry that I let my own fear of being strung along though he said he wasn't doing that take over and that I thus prevented things from possibly developing. He knows I care about him and think he's worth fighting for. I'm not going to hold my breath hoping that he'll come around, but I do wonder if a selfish lover can become less so when not in a relationship i. But until then no one in this world can change another person no matter what tactics we use to try. We only have the power to change ourselves. Change is a conscious choice no matter how bad or good that person's situation is. To be frank, it's not an easy thing to accept considering what it means to be one. I would like to know how I can change. How can I become more self-connected. I thought I was one of the most self-connected people Why is my boyfriend so selfish knew because I am always with my thoughts trying to understand how I feel - but this in essence displays my doubt. Recently I have hurt two people that though I haven't known them long, matter a lot to me on a friendship level. However considering what I did to them, I've really been questioning what is wrong with me. Why was I deceitful and inconsiderate of their feelings. A week later I was physically intimate with one of this person's best friends who i'd known I'd liked for a while. How could I be so destructive. I'm really looking for some clarity from anyone so I can stop being this horrible person because seeing the repercussions of my actions hurts deeply. Can anyone shed some light on this. A good article that really struck a cord with me, however, it doesn't answer my dilemma. It helps me understand, but doesn't answer my questions, to be fair, the same as many other articles. The whole relationship is just a carrot on a stick. You may also want to look into Narcissism and Asperger's as these also have very similar characteristics. I agree that the internet is full of descriptions, and falls short on solutions. However, I've tried the shrink wrap solutions before and simply following instructions will fail and only make a person more frustrated and feed the insecurity. I'm in the middle of this battle, and I can tell you that I'm learning that each person has to develop their own why is my boyfriend so selfish, out of commitment to getting better, which comes from being sick and tired of your own way failing time and time again. I do believe this article has many good points but it is missing many other points, and for this article to also say that there is something wrong with someone that loves a selfish lover sounds like a scorned bitter person wrote it. The deep scares that some people have can make them this way it doesn't mean they where always that way. When you happen to be married to that person and have faith and rely on God things can get better. This does not mean that you have an addiction. I hope that others will not just give up so quickly there are things worth fighting for. I think I know what the writer means. I was having the same problems in different circumstances with my husband. I kept trying and trying and soon I realised, that the more he hurt me the more I tried to fix it, get over it, move on- and used a variety of coping mechanisms. I was addicting to resuscitating this relationship, and in fact my coping mechanisms are the ones I learned as a child to deal with my incredibly selfish mother. If I just loved her more, she would take notice of me and love me back- giving me the love I yearned for as a child. I realised that praying to God and the old mechanisms were not working. I was letting my husband do all this to me, by continually trying. I haven't given up on my marriage, I am just less invested and have more friends and a great career. Now, I am happier, and I know he is selfish, I just leave him to it. He will never learn, why should I upset myself. I've been dating a guy with these traits for the past 5 months. He seems like the ultimate catch, very charming and cares about me. I see myself married to him but I continue catching myself in this position. I'm always the one that's trying and I feel the need to make more friends and focus on my career. But that is not what's ideal to me. I would love to go home to my boyfriend and instead I'm going home to my dog and trying to find things to do with my friends. Should I just break it off now. Are you fighting the man you want to change to the way you want him. The article states symptoms and precursors to a personality type. I used to think the way you do now 16years later and 3 kids I'm still fighting for the selfish lover to get off his bum and take care of his children pay bills buy food. I've been married for 11 yrs yo my wife and very early in our relationship she shut down on me and became very selfish over time. All forms of intimacy is dead from her, however I lover her and I would do anything for her. It like she doesn't have anything for me unless the whole family is involved. I'm tired but I still love, now I've found messages in her phone where she tells a past lover that she misses him and I never get any of those type words my way. Pray for me please and God bless. I just suffered a lot recently on the realization I had a selfish lover. Would never share any food or drink would drink and eat in front of mewas not generous in bed, did not want to talk or deal with any feelings I had said it was too much worknever asked about myself, my needs, wants, likes, etc. If this is true I have compassion for him even with all my hurt. Never ever came across such a selfish man before. I enjoyed why is my boyfriend so selfish article immensely. It gave me comfort and left me feeling less angry about my selfish lover but is it really true. And are you speaking about the psychology of selfish males vs selfish females. I hope it's true but it seems too good to be true. I found this article interesting, since I've just recently ended a relationship with someone who clearly fits the description of a selfish lover. While I was reading the article, I too was left wondering why the author hadn't linked selfish love with other aspects of such a person's life. To be fair to the author, I would guess he probably assumed the reader would have made that leap in logic. Thank you for this great article. I have been in a relationship with a man who really fits this description for the last year and a half. When I met him I had instant chemistry with him, recognizing through my own self-awareness and tragic childhood that he must be unavailable in some way, and that he could my Imago, representing my parents who abandoned me and were unavailable. The attraction was so powerful, so I thought it an opportunity for me to heal. In the beginning his emotional selfishness was not obvious, and was disguised as any guarded man, but clearly this article is not about men, for women are often the takers. He is materialistically very generous, a good companion, but did some very odd insensitive things and after months of trying to get my simple needs met, I read a book on non-violent communication and started to open up conversations on how to express my needs. He reacted fearfully and withdrew. Out of frustration I broke up with him for a few weeks, then I found this article. I lovingly sent him a kind email and I sent it to him. We are meeting for lunch tomorrow, I told him that he did not have to talk about it, for I know how scary that is for him, and if he suggests that he give me money or things, which is safe for him, I decided to decline suggesting that I want him to try to give of himself instead, for one thing I know is that if one does not confront there fears, they control your life. Whether he will make the effort is up to him, he did say when I tried to talk to him before that he wanted to get therapy. If anything has come from this union, I have become a better person by loving him. What kinds of things would do this. My therapist says I am teaching him to be a better boyfriend but I'm not always sure this is progressing sufficiently. What are ways guys like him can be more self connected. As an introvert's introvert, I think self connection is the only thing I know. What are examples of self connection in an emotionally stunted extrovert. How many Psychologists why is my boyfriend so selfish it take to change a light bulb. It's an old Psychologists joke but still pertinent. A person must want to change, you cannot change them, you can maybe point out the errors of their ways but again you cannot change them, you can even threaten to leave them as a last resort but you cannot change them, change must come from them. I was very confuse when my wife that i married 11 years ago told me she needs a divorce simply because she fell in love with a guy she met in the bank, she took all her belongings and left my house even when i pleased with her not to go but she insisted and left. It wasn't easy at all for me because i was in pain and couldn't go to work or even eat, i did many research on the internet when i came across some beautiful testimony people shared about Doctor Ororo so i quickly contacted him and told him my story, I never knew Doctor Ororo could be so nice, he told me that my wife will come back to me within 12 to 16 hours and every thing happened just as he said and then i concluded that i have found a God on Earth and i will continues to testify about him till Christ comes. Here is my email: mikecandy3015 gmail. No one should follow the guidance given in this article. I have never heard of selfishness being correlated with being internally dead. How are selfish people internally dead. I never knew selfish people have a fear of learning as an adult. I did not know they were all generalized, or that adults cannot learn. Clearly the author needs to go back to Med school instead of presenting bullshit opinions as fact. Maybe you're thinking of people who are cruel, not just selfish. A person can be pleasant or speak nicely, or be a quiet individual, or radiate insecurity and still be selfish. I think that's the sort of person that the author means. I doubt that he's describing overt abusers, or raging pathological narcissists. I know that the person I'm thinking of is exactly like this, because it gives a word to the vibe, to the feeling. He has a very narcissistic overbearing mother. He probably closed up to avoid her grabbing at him for what she wants for him or from him, but for a long time I didn't understand that, I didn't get it until recently. I also think it's good that the author mentions that giving up on the person is fruitless if you just run to another internally dead person to resuscitate them I've done this my whole life, when I was younger I actually was drawn to a drug addict. It's such a difficult thing to overcome. I've been mostly fortunate to have had very generous and engaged lovers. My last relationship was with a man who was so sensual, masculine and giving in bed. His style was slow, deep and deliberate. I once commented to him that he could whisper the alphabet and it would bring me to orgasm. We would often make love for 3-5 hours. I thought I would lose my mind sometimes. There was lots of eye contact. My current lover is the love of my life and generous in every way except sexually. Foreplay lasts approximately 15 seconds and sex is over in 3 minutes. I've tried to gently explain my needs to him but he says that he's never had any complaints before from other women. He's 50 years old and this won't change. I'm hit on constantly and it's getting harder to resist. I am the selfish partner, so I tried to read this from my partners pov. And if you try to tell a male how to deal with a selfish female, being vague will do nothing. If you can think and read into the meaning. I am also the selfish one in my relationship and im trying why is my boyfriend so selfish find good articles to read to understand my behaviour. I've always been the one breaking up with my boyfriends, and maybe ive got used to always why is my boyfriend so selfish someone there. I only love when they he is similar to me, share thoughts and feelings about things. But I find it hard to love the person when he doesnt think like me. I'm not selfish when it comes to money or anything like that, and i want my partner to feel good and have fun. But everything has to be on my conditions which is very, and share the same interest etc. I dont know if u are like this, but have u found any good articles yet. Selfish people don't deserve to have a lover in their lives. Once they realize nobody wants their selfish azzes then they'll start to self reflect. They'll learn and know how to be less selfish in order to start and keep a relationship. And that's how a selfish azz learns how to be less selfish. Problem is, there is always some low self esteemed person willing to deal with and kiss a selfish persons azz. There are plenty of mentally stable adults who would appreciate a lover and would show why is my boyfriend so selfish appreciation so no need to date a selfish azz. I am involved in a long term relationship with a man who has some deep rooted insecurities, based upon past hurts. So, I have felt sorry for him, and have done things to try to boost his self-esteem. He is very generous with helping around the house and with gifts. It is the emotional part that is lacking. I feel that he is really trying, but that he just can't get quite there. I have seen very selfish behavior, especially sexually. I can't tell him he's not satisfying me sexually without him becoming even more insecure, and resentful towards me for even bringing it up. Selfishness also seen in not wanting to change other parts of his life in order for us to become more equal partners. He has a comfort zone, and is very hesitant to leave it. And sometimes, out of the blue, doing something which shows that he is not even realizing that something he is doing is making me feel badly. How can I be sympathetic to his insecurities, while still expressing my own needs. Expressing my needs seems to him as if I am complaining. This has become a major problem. He says I am always complaining. He gets upset, frustrated, and sometimes angry at me. He says why can't I just be happy. I believe he does not understand or see this within himself. If there is a way for me to help him feel less insecure, then from this article it seems that he may become less selfish. But how does one help somebody feel more secure. It seems that one has to give in to the selfishness in order for the person to raise their own self-esteem. So I am stuck with letting a person be selfish because I don't want to make his self-esteem worse. This doesn't seem to be a very good way to be within a relationship. But I don't know how to change it. This arcticle why is my boyfriend so selfish reminds me of me and my girlfriend Im dating for half a year, she really is the sweetest girl I know, i love her character, she cares for me, makes me coffe every morning, irons my shirts and generally being amazing. The only problem is shes veing selfish as hell in bed. She never initates, only one way, her way. Im trying to spice things up, she pulls me back Dont do it I enjoy it like this much more. I often stated why is my boyfriend so selfish I why is my boyfriend so selfish in bed, she never cared, every man loves a girl going down on him, not once she did it with the hand or mouth, she maybe touched my genitals 2 since I know her, she generally doesn't care, even though I told her many times that I feel left out and ignored. She then starts a fight like I am like that I am not gonna change - if you can't deal with it then maybe I'm not the right woman for you. I really have insane feelings for her but I'm slowly getting sick of always putting myself out there, surprising her a lot and not getting anything in return. I'm desperate, we talked yesterday, she cried a lot even this morning she continued without reason. I told her a relationship is a give and take, making compromises and it's not me wanting to change her but I want to feel appreciated as well for once. She always says I'm too sensitive and that's the problem, but even though I'm in love with her I'm on the verge of quitting. Ever since my boyfriend has been supposedly put on a strict diet he texts less. It was a whole week since I heard from him. Everything seemed fine on our date. I told him to meet me on Tuesday when I wasn't working and didn't schedule to work overtime I work at Amazon and he just said no he supposedly was working. I was under the impression we would hang out that day. If you can't drive, you best learn especially with a boyfriend who doesn't offer to pick you up or makes you wait. I don't believe I expect a lot from him. I just realize how much work relationships are or whatever. I think he may be cheating or spending time with his friends and not telling me. I sometimes dream about other guys. I recently had the misfortune to encounter a selfish lover. I was in a bad place with my marriage and found myself thrown repeatedly into projects with a co-worker. She soon became the first person I talked to in the morning and the last person I talked to at night. At this point things became disasterous. As the author notes, selfish lovers either embark on superficial relationships or need an extremely giving person. Calling her out to answer for her part in the formation of the relationship resulted in blow back and denial - it was all in my head which really hurt and confused me. That's energy you can invest in yourself and in having the life you want. You're not additcted to selfish lovers, you just have to keep tossing and connecting with the right people. I disagree with the latter part of the article that implies that you are the one with the problem. If you are self-aware, work on yourself and let others work on themselves. It's not anyone's job to fix others. Also, one should not have to: 4 When you do talk to your selfish lover, focus on their strengths as they are generally insecure. I am shocked the author would even suggest this. It is extremely toxic and unhealthy to suppress your communication and feelings just because someone else is too insecure to handle it. That's not your issue, it's theirs and that is a false sense of responsibility. I'm responsible for myself, not others. Otherwise, emotionally mature and healthy people cut their losses and walk away because they recognize selfish people are takers and takers deplete. Life is difficult enough without adding takers onto the plate of life. How sad that some chose to settle. I am a man and me and my wife met on a dating website and since both were keenly looking to settle down and there were many things common culturally, we took the decision after meeting few times. Since then it has been roller coaster ride for us. We have so many things in common and we had so much fun doing those common things that kept us going for 6 long years. However when it came to sexual relations, she always backed out and instead of communicating with me about the problem, presented a picture that she is totally not interested in the physical relations. I dragged on thinking that this is not the only thing in life for all these years. But now when it came to having babies which she wanted as well initially, she backed out of it as well citing that we do not have sexual relations and blamed me saying that I was not a romantic man. However as I mentioned earlier, we had stopped trying for having sexual relations because she was uncomfortable and totally said to me that she has no sensation. Now after all these years, she says that she didn't have it because I wasn't a romantic person who will occasionally give surprises, do something romantic. I asked if she was okay to have the relations just for the time required till we are pregnant but she refused for that as well and gave a different reason that she does not like kids as they are a huge responsibility. And I have taken utmost care of her from my side, even if I am tired and if had a body pain or headache which was frequent, I used to massage her till she fell asleep. Also I loved her so much, expressed my love, said sorry multiple times if my actions would have hurt her. On the other side, she never used to utter words that she loves me and never said sorry for her actions. And often spoke very rudely to me for which she never said sorry. Now I am out of my marriage and filing for divorce because I realize although too late that it was only a one-sided love. And as I analyze her behavior with her colleagues and friends, I see a pattern that as long as that colleague or friend is acting in favor of her, she treats them very well and gets easily offended with small small things with them as well. Also with her friends, she easily bad mouthed her friend even she was very close friend if that friend had made a minor mistake such as going out with other friend and not inviting her - this is a childish behavior. All in all, she is a person who always sees a glass half empty instead of seeing it as half full. I did lots and lots of talking to make her think positively in every aspect of life. And now she has very few friends left and is lonely. While someone reading this will say that I should have got out of marriage very soon, but as the author explains, I was addicted to her love, to please her, to get her approval as I come from a struggling background, not knowingly I took this relation as another struggle which I have to get through. As an advice, I would just say that do not take things for granted and do not be over submissive in a relationship. Do not ignore the patterns that we are observing subconsciously. Also talk to a very close friend about what is happening in your relationship if your partner doesn't listen. This is because when we are in love, we do not see the clear picture but our close friend or family member can see what is happening and advice us. Well many of us men that are smart will never marry a career woman at all why is my boyfriend so selfish they're the worst ones to get married too, and most of the time they will cause divorce which they have unfortunately already. Many of us good innocent men had this happen, and it is these type of women that are very horrible to begin with since they will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less because of their greed and selfishness that is everywhere today. Quite a different time we live in today which it is these type of women that are real golddiggers and will use men for money just to get the real expensive gifts that they want. And to think back in the old days which most women were never like this at all since both men and especially the women never hardly had any money at all to begin with. Now the women of today want it all and once they became very liberated and were given the right to vote, that is when America went down the toilet because of these women unfortunately. And God forbid for most of us why is my boyfriend so selfish men trying to talk too women nowadays really has become so very extremely dangerous for us now, and they have the worst personality as well as having no respect for most of us men looking for love today. If she is a career woman then she will not be a gold digger. So who exactly are you mad at. Please stay away from women why is my boyfriend so selfish this is how you feel about ones who have jobs. My sister had a career, got married to a rich guy, quit her career and raises kids. And I personally resent this comment as I have been on my own financially since the day I turned 18 so working is all I know. I had to start at the bottom and work my way up, I also have saved lots of money, so this makes me a bad candidate for marriage. A woman with a business, money to spend and no debt makes me unattractive because I have worked for it. Makes no sense and I would never ever spend a minute on a man who looked down on me or found fault in the fact I work hard. My work does not take from my attention and love of my partner, so what exactly is the issue. And if I have money why is it so wrong I would like a man without debt and money of his own. A woman of this quality would not pee on you if you were on fire b. You are a wimp, and clearly appear to be threatened and emasculated by the very notion of a career woman c. Evidently, the only woman for you would have to be a brainless, subservient, stay-at-home bimbo that you could exploit as a constant doormat d. You presumably harbour very outdated stereotypical notions about women as housewives and men as breadwinners e. It looks like any woman wed to you would have to spend a lot of her time massaging your clearly fragile ego I do not know why you are viewing a Psychology page, but I suspect you perhaps need the help of a Psychologist. Your ideologies about career women appear blinkered, prejudicial and grounded in negative stereotype. Indeed, you present as fearful of strong, intelligent women who can hold down careers and get good qualifications. Nowadays, woman are quite capable of having a good education, and going to work. Some even outshine men in such areas of life. But, I suspect this is what makes you so anxious. Career women are far from gold diggers - they are self-sufficient women capable of doing things and earning things in their own right. Nowadays, women are capable of far more than hovering behind the rancid kitchen sink, and popping out sprogs. And this post is penned by a so-called career woman with a Degree, Postgraduate qualifications and who has enjoyed a career. What an insightful article, self connection can be challenging, who we are and what we are all about, what we feel and why people often get lost in seeking out emotions from others, its complex to say the least and likely a result of some life event or circumstances that recurred for them in life. We cannot make a fulfilling connection with anyone until we are fully connected to ourselves. I have been with my husband over 20 years, and at first he appeared charming, kind, funny and outgoing. This persona which is now what I believe it to be was the man I met and fell in love with. However, the longer we have been together, the more I have become aware that there is altogether another side to my husband that is utterly vile. This side of him is destroying our relationship, and does not even seem to care. There is some background to this. When we met, I had just graduated from University and was working. I admit I was not in a good place, because I have familial problems parent with mental illness and had been bullied at school because I was a high achiever. I had also been forced by my parents to study a course at University that I hated, and this resulted in my being in a job I disliked, too. However, my husband by contrast had messed about at school, failed all his qualifications, and had no job. When I met him, he was re-taking qualifications he'd failed. I learned that he had been lazy and complacent at school. Later, he had also dropped out of college with an alcohol problem. However, I thought little of this at the time, because I felt that nobody could be perfect, and I admitted to problems of my own e. My relationship with my husband was initially great - we had fun together, shared interests, and it actually felt like we both grew in the relationship. My husband even encouraged me to return to University to study what I wanted to study. Meanwhile I found that he started to take an interest in books, theatre, culture, which he had not before. My husband's family, however, have always treated me as some sort of competition. They do not appear to like the fact that I am better educated and more well-qualified than my husband. They do not like me having a career. They have made it perfectly clear in a downright nasty and hostile way that they expect me to be a stay at home housewife and to do nothing other than have babies. Because I refuse to bow down to this pressure, they make nasty comments to me, and about me. I have been called a selfish career woman, stuck up and other horrid things. My mother-in-law even insinuated that I hate children and this is why my husband and I are childless. Besides, whether I have children or not is nobody's business by my own, and my husband's. Plenty of working women have kids, so I cannot understand the intrusion and hostility of my in-laws. Instead, he blabs all my personal business to his mother. I am offended by this, because it feel like there are three people in my marriage and not two. I am also shocked to discover what a childish mummy's boy my husband is. His own envy and bitterness are now becoming evident. Recently he had a mental breakdown and declared that he hated his job. This infuriates me, because when he first got this job, all he and his family did was show off about it, and try to rub my face in the fact that I was dissatisfied with my own career at the time. That really hurt and upset me. However, I worked hard to turn things why is my boyfriend so selfish, and my husband now seems infuriated that I am undertaking a course of Postgraduate study that I long wanted to do. Every time I achieve something, or do well, or begin to feel happy and fulfilled, my husband sulks and his family belittle my abilities. They label me selfish and do everything they can to sabotage my opportunities, and make me lose confidence in myself. I have been told I don't deserve what I've got, that I don't deserve to be doing what I'm doing. I am told by my husband's family that I am everything from arrogant and stuck up to hyper sensitivelacking confidence and stressed. They try to make me believe things I am not. Still, I know now what is the reason for this. My husband's mental breakdown gave it away. Especially when he screamed at me how unfair it was I got to do what I want. Year after year I have given up on what I wanted, or else had it taken from me. When my husband first found work, I was expected just to move with him, or lose him. After that, whenever I applied for changes of job, I always made sure to consider my husband - e. If he finds work, will he like it. Because he does not drive, we always have to live close to where he works, which means that I the only driver end up being the one who always has a massive commute. He moans constantly about his job, and I constantly try to help him think of alternatives, but when it comes to taking action he always makes excuses - that are usually blamed on me. Like Oh, well, we can't move while you are studying, what if I can't find a job locally. When you finish, we'll move where you like. But, every time Why is my boyfriend so selfish ask to apply to move to a job that I like, he then says he cannot get work there. What really annoys me, is that he agreed to my returning to do Postgraduate study. This is the first really decent thing I have been able to do in some time, because over the last few years I have been very unwell and having loads of surgery. But, if I point that out, my husband complains I am making the focus all on me. I feel like I am never allowed to express myself, my opinions or feelings. My husband just tells me I don't want to hear it. He, meantime, mopes about how unhappy he is, but if I offer to listen or ask how I can help, he just says I don't know what I want and then shuts me off completely. I am not allowed to discuss work, family, pretty much anything. I feel I cannot make plans for the future with this man, because his envy, his complacency and lack of direction make it impossible. If I try to outline what I should like for the future, he complains again that it is all about you even when I am asking him desperately to let me know what he wants. I feel I am expected to be some sort of mind-reader, plus mother figure. Does doing something that makes me happy and fulfilled mean I am selfish. Am I doing something wrong, trying to ask my husband what he wants out of his life. All I ever desired for our relationship was happiness, stability, and the chance for both of us to grow. But how can you do that with somebody who just shuts you out. Somebody who complains all the time, and sees talking as nagging. Somebody hell-bent on self destruction. Who smokes, even though smoking-related illness landed him in hospital. Who refuses to tell me how his counselling is going - or even if he is attending it. Who screams and shouts and makes threats if you try to discuss anything that is going on. Who runs to his mother with our personal marital business. Somebody why is my boyfriend so selfish seems envious of his own wife. Who seems to want to blame me for his career unhappiness, and for his general lack of direction in life. Things seem to have changed since I started the Postgraduate study.

I have known the happy, smiley, I want to get to know all about you and be your new best friend kind of people before and they do indeed want to be right by your side, and it is typically because you have something they want or you are doing something they want to do. Hes not concerned on whether or not Im fed. Life can get hard, but I really believe that once a man meets what he considers to be his keeper, he will fight to have her no matter what else is going on in his life and no matter scared he might be. But sometimes it rubs my boyfriend the wrong way…or, you know, leads to shouting fests where I storm around like bitch-zilla. On the other side, she never used to utter words that she loves me and never said sorry for her actions. One of my guy friends went on a one night camping trip for his friends bachelor party just the manly men haha , where they fished and canoed in the morning. I have a very cold girlfriend who claims that I am selfish. Recently I have hurt two people that though I haven't known them long, matter a lot to me on a friendship level. If he finds work, will he like it?